Thursday, May 19, 2016

Adapting to This Change

Alright everyone, I'm not gonna lie. My heart is being ripped out.

My son graduates on Sunday and will be going to the Marine Corps in July. Of all the things I am sure of, and of all the strength I have, I'm not sure how to handle this change and I had no idea how profoundly this event, which I've been preparing for throughout the last 18 years, would strike me to my core and break me down. Few things make me cry, but my eyes are welled up with tears while I write this.

I am proud of the man he has become, and of the things that he has, and he will, accomplish.

Now that our days together are numbered, I can't help but look back at all of the things that I wished I could have done. Little time, or little money, were usually the excuses. "We'll have time to do it tomorrow." Tomorrow has come and gone and now the tomorrow that we're facing will one day be the day we bring him to the recruiting station, say our farewells, and wait...

It is a grieving process similar to the loss of a loved one. 

It's a good thing that we only have one more child left at home, because my wife and I have discussed, and we don't know that we could handle this hurt, this heartache, over and over again. 

We also don't understand how parents can look forward to the day when their child(ren) move out.

It's not fair.

This child, who has had such a significant impact on our life, who has made me want to be a better version of myself for him, has given me the gift of being his father, is now leaving.

But, I am PROUD!

My wife and I raised him. Through all of our faults. Through all of our mistakes. Through all of those times where we wished we could do more. We raised him to be the amazing person that he is today.

And, despite our faults, ours mistakes, and our shortcomings, he loves us.
He is going after his dreams, just as we taught him to do. Just as he has learned from watching us.
I just wish it didn't hurt so damn bad.

But, I know you will change the world. Just like your mom always told you that you could do. Until then, we will carry on in your absence. We know that we would want you to carry on with the fulfillment of your dreams in our absence, so we will hold ourselves to that same standard.

I just wish it didn't hurt so damn bad.

Semper Fi, my son. You're going to be a great Marine.