Sunday, December 8, 2013

Name Thy Weapon

I've never been keen on the idea of naming my penis. Some men have names for their penis. Names like Princess Sophia, Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King. Not me.

But this morning I woke up with, what I feel, would be the name that I would choose if I were to name my penis.

Daddy Warfucks.

Obvious inspiration is drawn from the Daddy Warbucks character from Little Orphan Annie, but I felt this would be fitting for many reasons.

1. Daddy Warbucks has a bald head. So does my penis.

2. Daddy Warbucks has an inflated sense of importance. So does my penis.

3. Daddy Warbucks character was knighted by the Queen of England. So was my penis.

4. Daddy Warbucks was accompanied by bodyguards. So is my penis.

5. Daddy Warbucks earned his wealth following World War I. So did my penis.

The similarities are obvious and honestly, I'm ashamed of myself for not coming up with this name sooner.