Tuesday, May 29, 2012

You Bunch of Fucking Idiots!

I'm partially religious. I'm partially political.

I'm VERY opinionated.

This post has nothing to do with my viewpoints of either, although they are related to both.

First up, the following disclaimer:
If you are a part of, or a supporter of, Fred Phelps or the Westboro Baptist Church...you can just fuck right off. Don't become a fan of my Facebook page. Don't post your comments on this page. I will straight up delete your shit and block your ass.

Give me strength, oh Lord!
I'm a supporter of the First Amendment. For those of you who slept through government class, this is the amendment which gives me the freedom to call the members of this church fucking idiots. It also gives me the right to stand outside of their church with signs stating that they are fucking idiots (so long as I do so peacefully and I am not trespassing on their private property). It also gives me the right to write this blog to communicate to you all that they are fucking idiots.

Could someone please tell me how this is constructive, or even Christian (Christ-like)?

Westboro drones. 
This just pisses me off. These kids have been indoctrinated with the verbal diarrhea which Fred Phelps and his minions continue to peddle to anyone willing to listen. Do these kids even know what they're doing out there? I doubt the youngest one holding the shuttle sign has parents old enough to remember the Challenger disaster. Who is willing to place bets on their parent's combined IQ score? I feel sorry for these children.

The Washington Post reported that as many as 92% of Americans believe in God or a higher spirit. Sadly, that number probably includes the douche nozzles at Westboro - but for the rest of the Americans who didn't eat lead paint chips as a child, my guess is that WBC insults the intelligence of every other God-fearing church goer or patriotic American that hears about their antics.

I find it interesting that Fred Phelps has continued to live. I mean, really. He has protested countless numbers of fallen military funerals, picketed university commencement ceremonies, protested mainstream Christian rock concerts, and probably most despicable, runs a website with a "news" ticker that counts the number of people that God has cast into Hell since you (the visitor) loaded the webpage. 170 was the count in the 30 or so seconds I was there. And, perhaps most laughable, is the last section of "news" on said ticker:

"0 - nanoseconds of sleep that WBC members lose over your opinions and feeeeellllliiiiiings."
I make no illusions that I am not a reputable reporter of news. I do not attempt to obfuscate that my opinions will make their way, repeatedly, into the things which are posted. However, if I were attempting to run a website (especially a church where, as with any church, it's continuation of existence relies on the recruiting of new members) I would not post such childish things on my site. Perhaps Fred Phelps had his 4th grade grandson write the news or something. Why else would such a thing appear?

I am rubber, you are glue...
Just look at that creepy fucker. He looks like the bastard child of Jack Palance and the Crypt Keeper.

It is worth mentioning that most of the church population of WBC are direct family members of Rev. Palan...er, Fred Phelps. One of the man's sons, who presumably was not dropped on his head at birth, is opposed to his father's work and urges the residents of Topeka, KS to continue fighting. At least someone in that family has some sense.

But, while I do not agree with what they have to say, I will fight for their right to say it (See First Amendment). For if that right vanishes then so do people like me.

That being said, I do believe in Hell, and I do believe that Fred Phelps is going to end up there because of the things he has done. I just hope that when he gets there that it looks like this...

Wow...it's SO HOT!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Who is TMF? - Part I

As much as I'd love to write a weekly, or even daily, blog...I just don't have the time for that right now. I'm too busy doing things for myself. I'm a greedy bastard like that.

This got me to thinking - unless you are a personal friend of mine (and I think there are only 4 or 5 on the FB fan page who are) you all know very little about me and what makes TMF tick. So, for today's blog, I thought I'd give you a little insight to my personality. Some likes. Some interests. Just enough to make you want to hang out with me because I sound like a cool guy...but not so much as to you'll get to see what I'm really like and realize I'm really a major, psychotic, fucking asshole.

  • I like cigars.
Unless you are Helen Keller, you see my avatar and the cigar hanging out of it's mouth. This was not done for effect or aesthetics. This was done because I truly enjoy a cigar every now and again. My favorite maker is Rocky Patel; my favorite stick of his is a Rocky Patel Vintage 1990. If you're ever in search for a birthday gift for me, you'll NEVER go wrong with Rocky Patel or with that particular cigar.
  • I like beer.
I enjoy a good, cold, beer on a hot summer day...or a cold winter day...or any day in between. Typically I'll drink Miller Lite or Busch Lite, but my favorite is Lucky Lager.
I have a friend in Canada who will visit now and again, and he always remembers to bring a case of Lucky with him as I have yet to find anyone, anywhere, within the state that sells or can get it. Again...birthday gifts.
  • I like to cook.
I enjoy cooking. I enjoy grilling. I can bake (and decorate) a cake even. I also have done chocolatier work. I am a handy gentleman to have around.
  • Movies, Music, Video games.
You know those people who can quote to you an entire film after having seen the movie only once? You know those people who know song titles, band names, and various trivia about them all? Yeah...I'm that guy.

My favorite movie? I don't have one. There are too many good films out there so when I name one it reminds me of another, which reminds me of another, and it becomes a mobius strip of sorts.

My favorite band? That's easier to give. Led Zeppelin.

Bitch better recognize!
As far as video games go, I've been playing for years. I usually only play PC (computer) based games online with friends, but because of a particular set of circumstances I've been forced to play more on my 360. I love the Rock Band games. Here, where I would usually make another birthday reference, I'll just tell you not to bother. I've already got them all.
  • I drive a Jeep
When you drive a Jeep you enter into a special club. If you drive one then you know what I mean. If you don't then those stickers you see on Jeeps are 100% true. It's a Jeep thing...you wouldn't understand.

I love my Jeep. My favorite thing is driving with the doors off and the top down just as the sun is setting. Driving through shaded parts of the road and feeling the temperature changes and smelling the evening air. There just isn't anything else that compares to it.

Some Jeep drivers like to test reader response. I prefer to keep 4 wheels on the ground.
So...this is just a glimpse into who I am. There is more I'd like to write about this; letting you all know a little bit more about me. I suppose that I'll do a "Part II" post sometime in the future. Because who doesn't enjoy writing about themselves?

And who doesn't enjoy reading about me?

Monday, May 14, 2012

Humor is Relative

I like to think that I have a good sense of humor and I believe that humor is relative.

No, I don't mean it is something that is inherited. I believe that what is funny to one person is not to another. I came to that conclusion a long time ago when I was a child, but tonight I thought I'd try a little experiment.

I forced myself to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory. I haven't talked about it before, but I think this show is one of the the biggest waste of 30 minutes on television. The promos for the show have never made me crack a smile. The times where I have accidentally stopped on the show for more than 15 seconds I never thought were witty, clever, or intelligent.

I thought I'd give the show the benefit of the doubt and see why some of my friends, my little sister included think this show is the best thing that's ever aired on television. I sat through the entire show and never cracked a smile once. I did find one comment amusing, but that was the extent of my entertainment. I concluded that, I was still correct, and this show just robbed me of 30 precious minutes of my life which could be spent watching something more entertaining...like watching flies fuck. I entered into the show thinking it was a steaming pile of horse shit. I didn't think I would laugh. It was. I didn't. And, in a related note, if Sheldon were my room mate, I would have smothered that fucker in his sleep by episode 3, season 1.

After that Two and a Half Men came on. Now, I enjoy this show. I find it interesting how the character Charlie Harper so closely paralleled the ruined, drunken haze, that had become the life of Charlie Sheen. Perhaps that's why the character's name was Charlie - the directors and producers wanted to make sure that Sheen would remember his characters name no matter what state he showed up in. What better way to ensure this than to name the character after actor?! GENIUS!

As I was saying, I enjoy this show. I thought I'd see if I could make it through another 30 minutes without smiling or laughing. I smiled once and laughed once, but the rest of the time I remained stone faced. Was it because I was trying to prove a point that I could make it though the show without laughing, or was I actually not amused at attempts at humor in the show? I'm guessing the first one...but...

This is what it all comes down to. Enjoy what you want to enjoy and fuck what everyone else says.

Yes, that means me as well. Fuck me. Fuck me right in the neck.

So long as you enjoy it then that's all that matters...and that should be true no matter what your hobby; watching sit-coms, partaking in gang-bangs, practicing the ancient lost art of dildo carving, or whatever your bag is...so long as you like what you do then enjoy yourself while you do it!

Look at me - I write this blog. Hopefully those who read it enjoy it. If not...well...

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. This is not to be confused with a mid-life crisis. It's rather a petty thing actually, but I know it's happening none the less.

As many of you know, I graduated on May 5th with my bachelor's degree after a few years of being out of the education game. Although I was one of the oldest in my program, the other students never saw it as an issue. I was one of them and welcome in every way. But...now that is over.

For the last three years, including summers, I have taken university classes. My largest class load was 18 credits, and my smallest was 6 during the summer months (which, due to its accelerated pace, is actually closer to 10 or 12). Besides being a husband and a father, my life was also defined by my student status. I was the president of two honor societies, one of which chartered with the help of the organization's main office. I was kept busy interning as part of my education program. I organized programs and workshops and trips for the other students to attend to enrich their learning experience while at university. All of this on top of working, being a husband, and a dad.

Now, as I sit here blogging, I no longer have paper deadlines or reading assignments hanging over my head and casting that shadow of guilt on me as I know I could be doing something else more important. The kids are off at school. The wife is out with her mother. I know that, at this very moment, whatever I decide to do after I post this blog will not be taking away from the time I could be working on that final project worth 95% of my final grade. I can enjoy video games guilt free. I can take a nap knowing that I'll still have nothing else to do once I wake up. This is an entirely new concept for me now. Apparently three years of continued university work will take it's mental toll on a person. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

I'll probably start playing some video games that, while purchased for me for Christmas, I still haven't played due to the fact that I knew I would not accomplish anything for school if I started playing them. Skyrim sits, unplayed, since Christmas. Now that's willpower!

I'll be applying for jobs as well. Jobs that, until Saturday, I was under qualified for because I did not have a degree in my field. That is an amazing feeling!

And, finally, I'll apply for the master's program for my field. Not only because I plan on obtaining a Ph.D. but, if I'm not a student, then who am I?