Wednesday, December 26, 2012


While looking for people to follow on Twitter, (incidentally, you can find and follow me by clicking here) I found found one person whom I am quite fond of - Steve Martin.

As of 12/26/12, a visit to his Twitter page will provide this as his profile picture.

The subtleties of this picture are great. Why is he on the floor? What was in the glass - was he poisoned?

However, the one thing which caught my eye was his dog, Wally.

There is Wally, lounging curiously in the background, wondering what his master is up to. Maybe he is thinking, "My master is on the floor. I wonder why he is on the floor. I don't know why he is on the floor. It's okay - he is my master."

One look at Steve Martin and immediately many think of movies like The Jerk, or L.A. Story. Others may think of a time they may have seen him perform standup or play the banjo (or both, as he is prone to do). We may think, "Wow, what a talented gentleman." Wally just looks at him and sees his master. He knows nothing of his career or fame.

Pets are awesome like that. They are good at loving you, unconditionally, simply for who you are.

My cat knows nothing of my career or of the massive amount of internet fame I have (scoff). He does know that he gets treats every morning when I make my coffee. He does know that, as soon as my feet go up when I sit in the recliner, my lap provides an excellent place to lay down.

I don't know who all frequents the Martin home, but let us pretend for a moment that Steve hosts a part and invites many of movie, music, and TV's "who's who". Wally would undoubtedly great them with a great deal of enthusiasm.

Same would be true for me if I were privileged to be invited. I'm no one special out of that group, but Wally would treat me just the same as everyone else.

How lucky am I to be placed on a level playing field with the likes of entertainment royalty by a creature who displays unconditional trust and love after a few pats on the head or a belly rub?

Coincidentally, that's how you can get me to be your friend, too. 

Monday, December 17, 2012

My dear friend, Kevin Pollak.

For the past few weeks I've had the pleasure of riding to and from work every day in the company of comedian, actor, and interwebs star Mr. Kevin Pollak.

Every day on my hour long trip, Kevin would entertain me with stories of his growing up as a child. From lip syncing Bill Cosby's "Noah and the Arc" act for relatives to what it was like working with stars such as Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, Walter Matthau, Jack Lemmon, Burgess Meredith. . .the list goes on and on.

Do I work in Hollywood, you ask? No.

Well then, I must have some job related to the movie industry. Wrong again.

I spent $14.99 and purchased an audio copy of How I Slept My Way to the Middle: Secrets and Stories from Stage, Screen, and Interwebs.

The book, read by Mr. Pollak, is very entertaining. I began to look forward to my drive to work each morning when I would get to listen to Kevin do impersonations and tell stories; laughing hysterically while listening him, while doing Walter Matthau, talk about a cassette tape which was Walter's most prized possession. I'm sure I looked insane to other drives who had the misfortune of driving up next to me.

One day, while entering randomness into YouTube, I stumbled across a video of Jay Mohr doing an interview. During the interview it was brought up that he, like Kevin, does an excellent Christopher Walken. Admittedly, he does. But then the interviewer brings up that he tells everyone that Mohr's is better than Kevin's. Mohr agrees and even goes so far as to say, "Kevin Pollak will tell you I do the best."


I thought, "How dare you compare yourself to my friend, you little twerp! What's the last movie you were in that did any good at the box office?"

Incidentally, the last movie that he was in that was big at the box office was Jerry McGuire. I know - I don't remember him being in that movie either.

But, as you probably noticed, an odd thing happened. After having had listen to Kevin Pollak read chapter after chapter of his book whilst in the privacy of my vehicle on my way to work, I felt like he was my friend. I thought maybe sometime he might call me and invite me over to his place for dinner. After we would drink a few drinks, smoke some cigars, and he could share with me why it is so fantastic to be in the middle. I'd tell him stories about my life and he would reminisce about how much it sucked to be poor. I could feel a real bond of friendship forming.

Then it came. The end of the book. And, as with any good book, I felt like I had lost of a good friend as Kevin read the final words of the last chapter. Our two hour a day, two week friendship was gone.

I look back fondly on those days. I don't know what he's doing now (other than a webcast, producing and acting on stage and on the big screen, and countless other projects) but, where ever he is. . .I wish him well.

Take care, Kevin. And, if you're ever in town, give me a call. I'd love to catch up again sometime.

AUTHORS NOTE: It's now May 9th, 2013. I've seen Jerry McGuire since writing this and now remember Jay being in the movie. He played, what else...a weasel of a character.

I'm also watched Jay's Christopher Walken...and, damn it, if it isn't brilliant. That magnificent bastard!

Kevin has also mentioned Jay as being an inspiration for his Christopher Walken in his book. Still, after spending so much time riding to, and from, work together...I'm partial to Kevin's take on Mr. Walken. Maybe if Jay has the opportunity to ride with me in the future, and pays for the gas, I may be persuaded to think otherwise.