Amid Chaos, There Are Still Rules

A couple of weeks ago I attended the Rockstar Mayhem Fest. While there I got to see bands like The Devil Wears Prada, Anthrax, As I Lay Dying, Motorhead, Slayer, and the headliner of the show, Slipknot.

This is NOT your grandfather's metal!

The venue in which this event was being held is an outdoor one so, once you have entered the main gates, there is still a distance one must walk before getting to the main stage. Along the way I spotted several people which, I can only assume, were once participants of a mosh pit. Bloodied faces, EMTs rushing by with people in wheelchairs. Jesus Christ! What kind of fucking mess did I get myself into!?

I make my way to a side stage and watch The Devil Wears Prada and Anthrax, whereupon I see several more people limping, staggering, and crawling out of the main crowd. Plastic glasses filled with beer (hopefully) or piss (probably) are being thrown into the air into the midst of the crowd. It was obvious that this was no place for someone with a heart condition.

The melee ends and everyone begins to make their way over to the main stage area. My "seat" was on the lawn. I use the term seat loosely as only someone who had a death wish or no sense of self preservation would be sitting during this concert. Practically 200 yards of lawn becomes a most pit by the end of the night.

Me to co-worker: "How was your weekend?"
Co-worker to me: "Good. Just relaxed around the house. You?"
Me to co-worker: "Oh, I was in a mosh pit. Usual weekend."

Yours truly was lucky enough to be by/near/in/around/part of one. So many slashes...but with the shifting of the crowd it was hard to tell where you would be from one minute to the next.

It was then, being the sociologist that I am, began to notice something happening in what appeared to be chaos. There are rules when you're involved in a mosh pit and you are expected to know and observe these rules when you are by/near/in/around/part of one. You can even Google "moshpit rules" and you'll find several posts listing various rules.

One that you'll find posted on most every list of rules is that you help up those who are knocked down. Things happen...it's organized chaos. People are going to fall. If you spot someone, you are expected to help them up. If you're along the perimeter of the pit you are expected to help up those who are pushed to the edge. You're also partiality responsible for protecting those who are outside of the pit.

Observe Rule #1

Usually the wikiHow pages are filled with useless shit, but the one about How to Mosh in a Mosh Pit is actually pretty decent. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Finally - if you've NEVER heard Slipknot before...here is a video, thanks to my sister, from the concert I attended. Enjoy!

Who is TMF? - Part II

Amazingly enough, the first "Who is" blog that I wrote is the most read post of any of my postings. In fact, its numbers are just about double that of any of the hits on my other posts.

With the thought in mind that a). you all want to know about me, or b). you all want to know more about me in order to stalk me, I thought that I'd write a second part and take my chances. So...

• I am a gamer.

In the first "Who is" post I told you all that I play video games on both the PC and Xbox 360. I also own several other platforms (PS2, Wii, and some older ones like Dreamcast and Genesis) but I prefer to play games on my computer.

I am also a role player.

(insert nerd joke here)

I've played Dungeons and Dragons, Shadow Run, GURPS, Twilight 2000, and many, many others. I have a group of friends with whom I have role played with for years. Currently I am playing a D&D 4e campaign using a virtual tabletop. What this means is that a group of us plays online using a whiteboard of sorts. It is complete with miniatures and dice for rolling. The leader (or GM/DM) actually lives about 10 minutes from me, but the others all live about 2 hours away from us. The virtual table top enables us to all get together and play and have a great time. Isn't technology great?

This is why you tell her AFTER you're married - like I did.

One thing I will not do, however, is LARP (Live Action Role Play). That just crosses over the nerd line, even for me.

• I am a drummer.

I play the drums and have for 20 years. During high school I was in a band with two of my closest friends and we enjoyed moderate area popularity. When it came time for the other two to graduate (as they were a year ahead of me in school) a couple of opportunities presented themselves. 

First, we were offered a reasonable amount of money to play at a wedding. The bass player turned it down with the reasoning that we weren't good enough to play for four or five hours as the main entertainment for a wedding reception. Never mind that we had played in a couple of talent shows, as well as a private concert for our school on the last day before winter break...we just weren't wedding material.

And, honestly, it probably would have ended up a lot like this...only without Billy Idol.

Second, one of my aunt's childhood friends worked out of St. Louis, MO with a recording label. She had rubbed elbows with some of the most popular names in music at that time. One thing lead to another and I eventually played her a recording of us playing a couple of Led Zeppelin songs (Immigrant Song and Rock and Roll, for you Zeppelin fans). She said that if we made her a demo tape of some covers and some original material that she would make sure it got into the hands of the right people. I presented this to the other two and, while they liked the sounds of it, they were more concerned with going off to university and getting their respective degrees. We never recorded that demo and I've never played with another band since then.

So, in an alternate universe, you are all listening to me and my band on your iPod at this very second. Trust me...you have all our albums. We're good.

• I am an ordained minister.

I guess that means you could call me Rev. Misanthropic Father. Or maybe Father Misanthropic.

Alright...I'll admit that, although I am ordained, it is through the Universal Life Church in Modesto, California. Why should that matter? Well, back in the early 2000's they started an on-line ministry. Part of this ministry included ordaining ministers over the internet. Sound like a farce? I assure you, this is 100% legit and legal in every way. I have attended weddings performed by ULC ministers and those couples are just as married as they would have been had a Justice of the Peace performed the wedding in a court house.

They have some other materials which you can purchase through their website to help you through the course of your ministry. I mean, who wouldn't want a Doctor of Divinity degree for only $32.99?

If you're interested in becoming an ordained minister yourself, please check out their page here.

This page will also allow you to become ordained...plus is includes a video of Conan O'Brien going through the process.

Yes. Rev. Conan O'Brien.

You Bunch of Fucking Idiots!

I'm partially religious. I'm partially political.

I'm VERY opinionated.

This post has nothing to do with my viewpoints of either, although they are related to both.

First up, the following disclaimer:
If you are a part of, or a supporter of, Fred Phelps or the Westboro Baptist Church...you can just fuck right off. Don't become a fan of my Facebook page. Don't post your comments on this page. I will straight up delete your shit and block your ass.

Give me strength, oh Lord!

I'm a supporter of the First Amendment. For those of you who slept through government class, this is the amendment which gives me the freedom to call the members of this church fucking idiots. It also gives me the right to stand outside of their church with signs stating that they are fucking idiots (so long as I do so peacefully and I am not trespassing on their private property). It also gives me the right to write this blog to communicate to you all that they are fucking idiots.

Could someone please tell me how this is constructive, or even Christian (Christ-like)?

Westboro drones. 

This just pisses me off. These kids have been indoctrinated with the verbal diarrhea which Fred Phelps and his minions continue to peddle to anyone willing to listen. Do these kids even know what they're doing out there? I doubt the youngest one holding the shuttle sign has parents old enough to remember the Challenger disaster. Who is willing to place bets on their parent's combined IQ score? I feel sorry for these children.

The Washington Post reported that as many as 92% of Americans believe in God or a higher spirit. Sadly, that number probably includes the douche nozzles at Westboro - but for the rest of the Americans who didn't eat lead paint chips as a child, my guess is that WBC insults the intelligence of every other God-fearing church goer or patriotic American that hears about their antics.

I find it interesting that Fred Phelps has continued to live. I mean, really. He has protested countless numbers of fallen military funerals, picketed university commencement ceremonies, protested mainstream Christian rock concerts, and probably most despicable, runs a website with a "news" ticker that counts the number of people that God has cast into Hell since you (the visitor) loaded the webpage. 170 was the count in the 30 or so seconds I was there. And, perhaps most laughable, is the last section of "news" on said ticker:

"0 - nanoseconds of sleep that WBC members lose over your opinions and feeeeellllliiiiiings."

I make no illusions that I am not a reputable reporter of news. I do not attempt to obfuscate that my opinions will make their way, repeatedly, into the things which are posted. However, if I were attempting to run a website (especially a church where, as with any church, it's continuation of existence relies on the recruiting of new members) I would not post such childish things on my site. Perhaps Fred Phelps had his 4th grade grandson write the news or something. Why else would such a thing appear?

I am rubber, you are glue...

Just look at that creepy fucker. He looks like the bastard child of Jack Palance and the Crypt Keeper.

It is worth mentioning that most of the church population of WBC are direct family members of Rev. Palan...er, Fred Phelps. One of the man's sons, who presumably was not dropped on his head at birth, is opposed to his father's work and urges the residents of Topeka, KS to continue fighting. At least someone in that family has some sense.

But, while I do not agree with what they have to say, I will fight for their right to say it (See First Amendment). For if that right vanishes then so do people like me.

That being said, I do believe in Hell, and I do believe that Fred Phelps is going to end up there because of the things he has done. I just hope that when he gets there that it looks like this...

Wow...it's SO HOT!

Who is TMF? - Part I

As much as I'd love to write a weekly, or even daily, blog...I just don't have the time for that right now. I'm too busy doing things for myself. I'm a greedy bastard like that.

This got me to thinking - unless you are a personal friend of mine (and I think there are only 4 or 5 on the FB fan page who are) you all know very little about me and what makes TMF tick. So, for today's blog, I thought I'd give you a little insight to my personality. Some likes. Some interests. Just enough to make you want to hang out with me because I sound like a cool guy...but not so much as to you'll get to see what I'm really like and realize I'm really a major, psychotic, fucking asshole.

• I like cigars.

Unless you are Helen Keller, you see my avatar and the cigar hanging out of it's mouth. This was not done for effect or aesthetics. This was done because I truly enjoy a cigar every now and again. My favorite maker is Rocky Patel; my favorite stick of his is a Rocky Patel Vintage 1990. If you're ever in search for a birthday gift for me, you'll NEVER go wrong with Rocky Patel or with that particular cigar.

• I like beer.

I enjoy a good, cold, beer on a hot summer day...or a cold winter day...or any day in between. Typically I'll drink Miller Lite or Busch Lite, but my favorite is Lucky Lager.

Yum!

I have a friend in Canada who will visit now and again, and he always remembers to bring a case of Lucky with him as I have yet to find anyone, anywhere, within the state that sells or can get it. Again...birthday gifts.

• I like to cook.

I enjoy cooking. I enjoy grilling. I can bake (and decorate) a cake even. I also have done chocolatier work. I am a handy gentleman to have around.

• Movies, Music, Video games.

You know those people who can quote to you an entire film after having seen the movie only once? You know those people who know song titles, band names, and various trivia about them all? Yeah...I'm that guy.

My favorite movie? I don't have one. There are too many good films out there so when I name one it reminds me of another, which reminds me of another, and it becomes a mobius strip of sorts.

My favorite band? That's easier to give. Led Zeppelin.

Bitch better recognize!

As far as video games go, I've been playing for years. I usually only play PC (computer) based games online with friends, but because of a particular set of circumstances I've been forced to play more on my 360. I love the Rock Band games. Here, where I would usually make another birthday reference, I'll just tell you not to bother. I've already got them all.

• I drive a Jeep

When you drive a Jeep you enter into a special club. If you drive one then you know what I mean. If you don't then those stickers you see on Jeeps are 100% true. It's a Jeep thing...you wouldn't understand.

I love my Jeep. My favorite thing is driving with the doors off and the top down just as the sun is setting. Driving through shaded parts of the road and feeling the temperature changes and smelling the evening air. There just isn't anything else that compares to it.

Some Jeep drivers like to test reader response. I prefer to keep 4 wheels on the ground.

So...this is just a glimpse into who I am. There is more I'd like to write about this; letting you all know a little bit more about me. I suppose that I'll do a "Part II" post sometime in the future. Because who doesn't enjoy writing about themselves?

And who doesn't enjoy reading about me?

Humor is Relative

I like to think that I have a good sense of humor and I believe that humor is relative.

No, I don't mean it is something that is inherited. I believe that what is funny to one person is not to another. I came to that conclusion a long time ago when I was a child, but tonight I thought I'd try a little experiment.

I forced myself to watch an episode of The Big Bang Theory. I haven't talked about it before, but I think this show is one of the the biggest waste of 30 minutes on television. The promos for the show have never made me crack a smile. The times where I have accidentally stopped on the show for more than 15 seconds I never thought were witty, clever, or intelligent.

I thought I'd give the show the benefit of the doubt and see why some of my friends, my little sister included think this show is the best thing that's ever aired on television. I sat through the entire show and never cracked a smile once. I did find one comment amusing, but that was the extent of my entertainment. I concluded that, I was still correct, and this show just robbed me of 30 precious minutes of my life which could be spent watching something more entertaining...like watching flies fuck. I entered into the show thinking it was a steaming pile of horse shit. I didn't think I would laugh. It was. I didn't. And, in a related note, if Sheldon were my room mate, I would have smothered that fucker in his sleep by episode 3, season 1.

After that Two and a Half Men came on. Now, I enjoy this show. I find it interesting how the character Charlie Harper so closely paralleled the ruined, drunken haze, that had become the life of Charlie Sheen. Perhaps that's why the character's name was Charlie - the directors and producers wanted to make sure that Sheen would remember his characters name no matter what state he showed up in. What better way to ensure this than to name the character after actor?! GENIUS!

As I was saying, I enjoy this show. I thought I'd see if I could make it through another 30 minutes without smiling or laughing. I smiled once and laughed once, but the rest of the time I remained stone faced. Was it because I was trying to prove a point that I could make it though the show without laughing, or was I actually not amused at attempts at humor in the show? I'm guessing the first one...but...

This is what it all comes down to. Enjoy what you want to enjoy and fuck what everyone else says.

Yes, that means me as well. Fuck me. Fuck me right in the neck.

So long as you enjoy it then that's all that matters...and that should be true no matter what your hobby; watching sit-coms, partaking in gang-bangs, practicing the ancient lost art of dildo carving, or whatever your bag is...so long as you like what you do then enjoy yourself while you do it!

Look at me - I write this blog. Hopefully those who read it enjoy it. If not...well...