Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Identity Crisis

I'm having an identity crisis. This is not to be confused with a mid-life crisis. It's rather a petty thing actually, but I know it's happening none the less.

As many of you know, I graduated on May 5th with my bachelor's degree after a few years of being out of the education game. Although I was one of the oldest in my program, the other students never saw it as an issue. I was one of them and welcome in every way. But...now that is over.

For the last three years, including summers, I have taken university classes. My largest class load was 18 credits, and my smallest was 6 during the summer months (which, due to its accelerated pace, is actually closer to 10 or 12). Besides being a husband and a father, my life was also defined by my student status. I was the president of two honor societies, one of which chartered with the help of the organization's main office. I was kept busy interning as part of my education program. I organized programs and workshops and trips for the other students to attend to enrich their learning experience while at university. All of this on top of working, being a husband, and a dad.

Now, as I sit here blogging, I no longer have paper deadlines or reading assignments hanging over my head and casting that shadow of guilt on me as I know I could be doing something else more important. The kids are off at school. The wife is out with her mother. I know that, at this very moment, whatever I decide to do after I post this blog will not be taking away from the time I could be working on that final project worth 95% of my final grade. I can enjoy video games guilt free. I can take a nap knowing that I'll still have nothing else to do once I wake up. This is an entirely new concept for me now. Apparently three years of continued university work will take it's mental toll on a person. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!

I'll probably start playing some video games that, while purchased for me for Christmas, I still haven't played due to the fact that I knew I would not accomplish anything for school if I started playing them. Skyrim sits, unplayed, since Christmas. Now that's willpower!

I'll be applying for jobs as well. Jobs that, until Saturday, I was under qualified for because I did not have a degree in my field. That is an amazing feeling!

And, finally, I'll apply for the master's program for my field. Not only because I plan on obtaining a Ph.D. but, if I'm not a student, then who am I?

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