Don't You Have Something More Important You Should Be Doing?

I've seen some pretty crazy stuff. I don't know what it is - I think I'm a weird shit magnet. I get to see things, and these things typically defy human imagination. And as luck would have it, I'm typically the only who sees these things when they happen so I have no one to talk to about it. I have no one to rationalize with. "Maybe they were dropped as a child" is usually the first, and typically best, answer that I come up with.

All this being said...this is a new one to me.

This gem of a screenshot comes from a fan. This was on her news feed and was posted back in late September by someone she went to high school with.

Comedian Lewis Black said during a commencement speech which he delivered to UC San Diego
Thurgood Marshall College, "If you're doing two things at once, guess what, you aren't doing either!"(by the way, if you're interested in watching that speech, you can check it out by clicking here).

I'm not all that impressed with people who post every little action they're up to on Facebook in the first place. I don't care that you're eating at a restaurant that is in your home town because I know you've eaten there 100 times already. Additionally, I don't care to see what it is that you're eating while you're there. I don't care if it's the best steak that you've ever had. I don't care if you've never had flounder like that before. Unless you're dining with the British Royal Family while in Tibet, accompanied by Dalai Lama, and the meal was prepared by a nude Giada De Laurentiis...I'm not interested.

But doesn't this take over sharing to the ultimate level? Do we really need to know that she is questioning whether or not she is in labor. Furthermore, once she had the definitive answer, do we really need to know that she is in actual labor and that she is on her way (Google Map provided for your navigation convenience) to the hospital?

What happened to living in the now? In the aforementioned commencement speech, Lewis Black also said, "You can only be in one now at a time." Be in the now, whatever that now may be. If your now is a shitty 9 to 5 job, at least be there if it's the only way to support your family. If your now is a shitty prerequisite class for your major, get your ass to class. If your now is childbirth, give birth to your child. Hopefully she doesn't turn out to be the mom who is so attached to electronics that she neglects her actual child in order to play The Sims on Facebook to take care of her virtual child, thus inflicting upon her birth child reactive attachment disorder.

I can only hope that one of the 30+ comments on these status posts went something like this...

"GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE AND DELIVER YOUR CHILD, YOU TWIT!"

Family Introduction

I announced the fact that I have a Facebook page before I even created a post with any substance. Hows that for ambition?

So, first - me. T.M.F. I'm a late bloomer - 35 years old and finishing a bachelor degree. I like to think that my academic career has been successful. My numerous awards, scholarships, and memberships to organizations should vouch for this success. Since this is my blog you'll be hearing different things about me throughout, so we'll keep my introduction at that. Besides - I want you to want to come back here and read.

My wife, S, is a stay-at-home mom but is also taking some online classes. She's full of adorable quirks which enamor me. One of them is the fact that we have a queen size bed which should be more than adequate for two grown adults to sleep in. This would be the case if she didn't love her pillows more than me. I sleep with one pillow; S sleeps with 3 - two of which are lined up, length wise, on the other side of her. So, in essence, the space of 3 people is squeezed into our bed. To complicate matters she is a sprawler when she sleeps. Typically I awake to her butt in my back, her legs and arms out stretched, and only enough room for me to sleep on my side and stretched out straight. If she isn't doing that then she is cuddling me to the edge of the bed. Either way she sleeps I find that shes also stolen my pillow and left me without. She now has 4 pillows and I have none.

We've been talking about getting a king size bed. Prior to the queen we had a full size bed and her pillows occupied the same amount of space then as they do now. If you're able to follow patterns and logic and you do well in those tests you find in magazines, you can see a pattern emerge and follow the "pillow to space ratio" theory.

My son, whom will typically be referred to as "B", is 13, in middle school, and going through the typical trials that life throws at people during this stage of life. He is currently affected by a terrible disability which most refer to as "puberty". At times he seems like my son, but then he'll break out and sing "...don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me..." (not to mention he dances while doing this). He thinks he is funny. His friends think he is funny. His humor is lost on his mother and me. Thankfully I was never like that when I was his age. "S" says, "Neither was I...and I'm a girl."

Our daughter "M" is our 6 yr old evil princess. Her negativity and evil minded behavior assure me that she, truly, is the fruit of my loins. Her mother and I are quite sure that she will eventually rule the world someday and we'll all be forced into labor camps and Justin Bieber will be our entertainment ambassador. Just today both M and B were told to make their beds. B made his while M did not. Upon their mother's inquiry B says he made his which prompts M to run into the room, jump on his bed, and say, "Mmmm...its messy" and run out...laughing hysterically. I yell at her most of the time, not because I am angry at the things she does, but because I'm thinking to myself, "Damn...wish I'd have thought of that."

I have lots of stories to share about all of these people, and more, that are a part of my life.

One quick warning...I am a cynical person. The name of this blog was chosen with purpose. I'm not the best father in the world (challenge - find me someone who is). Typically I find humor and laugh at things that I probably shouldn't. Our children can never claim that their childhood was boring. Besides...I figure that, if I'm going to have to pay for my children's therapy, I might as well get my money's worth...and, without us, they'd have nothing to talk about.